I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Please don't give away my fajitas
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
