After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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