the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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