Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
