is your mom at the bar?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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