Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it hurts more in the daytime
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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