I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
