Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
