He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
