Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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