Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
