your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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