I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
