bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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