there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
