I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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