I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
