Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
