I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
