Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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