I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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