the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
