He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
