you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
