My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
