its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
