i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
