I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
