he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
