In the future we'll all be gay
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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