In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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