70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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