I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
