That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
