We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Pooping to opera.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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