Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
