The maid of honor just puked.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
