The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Actions speak louder than pants.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
