I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
