She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
