So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
