I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
