oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
