I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
