I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
