I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
