If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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