I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
A+ Viking dick
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
