how can u be prego again
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
