apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
