apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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