I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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